FULL TRANSCRIPT

Grant:

Good day everybody — wherever you are in the world, it’s a different time for everybody. You can tell by my eyes that it’s early morning here for me. I’m really excited to join with you. By the way, if you are watching this live, then please play along — talk to us. If you’re watching this in the replay, you can do so as well. If you are watching this on YouTube, you can get involved through writing your thoughts on the comment section. So, there are plenty of ways for this to be more than a two-way conversation. 

I’m excited because I get to interview another amazing coach this morning. It’s evening for her because she is in the UK. She is a lady that I go the pleasure of meeting a couple of years ago. She is now doing amazing things all around the world with Emotional Intelligence. And that’s what this group is all about helping, encouraging, developing, and mentoring Emotional Intelligence practitioners and those who are looking to specialize in that area as well.  

Should you like to know more about today’s speaker, you can know about her through the video description and through the things she will tell us today about herself.  

So, without any further ado, let us welcome the amazing Lindsey Capp.  

Lindsey: That was a great intro. I love that: “The amazing Lindsey Capp.” Brilliant.  

Grant: I’m sure you hear that all the time.  

Lindsey: Yes, I do. All the time.  

Grant:  Thank you so much for joining us. I know it’s late evening there in the UK and you still look amazing. I just want to keep this interview really casual — it will be like you and I having a conversation and allow some of you to permeate into our members. 

So, can you share with us a little bit about your coaching journey; what prompted you to get started? 

Lindsey: In brief, I was about 40 to 41 years old and during those times, I was going through a challenging time of parenting my three children. I noticed that my past was really showing up in my parenting. What I mean by this is there were things that my parents did as parents that I did not want to repeat to my children. So, I sought out some development around who I am. I went through a “who am I?” Phase where I asked myself these questions: 

“What am I? Am I just a mum? What am I going to create in the world?” 

So, I ended up going into self-development at the late age of 40-41. I read my first book on IQ around 41. Before that, I did not have any background in IQ, but I felt a load of emotions that I did not know how to regulate. Little did I know it has taken me over. Hence, in my quest for self-development, I ventured into NLP and did the diploma, become a practitioner, took up  a master’s degree, and went on to become a trainer.  So, I’ve done the coaching, I’ve done the NLP and I had huge insights about myself and the creation of my being. However, despite all these, there was a gap.  

Then one day, I had been hired by the British Aerospace to come in and do some coaching. They ran an Emotional Intelligence workshop and asked me if I wanted to sit in. So, I did. It blew me away — Emotional Intelligence was the gap. It was what joined all the dots together.  

Emotional Intelligence allowed me to come from a deeper way of listening that was from my heart which helped me to grow, transform and help other people. Then, I decided to create my own little company which started from this little space that turned into an organisation that’s now earning six figures and is continually growing from strength to strength. So I realised that Emotional Intelligence is not about the tools and techniques, it’s really about us. 

So that’s the brief Grant.  

Grant: Yes. I find that most people who venture into coaching or learning about Emotional Intelligence, started out with an internal desire or need for personal development. I see so many coaches who then turn that into a passion to help others. I love that. This leads me to another question which is: Why do you think Emotional Intelligence is so important nowadays?

Lindsey: Personally, it’s because of the times. Nowadays, technology is creating a space where connection is at the forefront. Our way of socialization is different. Most of the socialization is now in the thinking which then detaches us from being connected to our emotional side. So, when we are not with it enough, when we are not investigating it, when we are not feeling it as much as we used to, it can have an overwhelming effect of shock, fear and anxiety.  

So, for me, we really need to understand how important it is to balance the thinking and the emotion itself to create a way of being that allows us to be with the shadow ways of us — our fears and uncertainties. In a loving way, Emotional Intelligence gives us that underpinning of understanding that stops it from being a detriment. So, in this day and age, I think, more than ever, we need to learn how to connect deeper with people — we need to see, hear and feel things much more from the heart than we do from the head.  

Grant: I totally agree. I really love that. What’s exciting for us as Emotional Intelligence practitioners is that people are now finally realizing that EI skills are up here (points to the brain), and not some warm and fuzzy soft skills that are nice to have but is the key for people to move forward, become who they need to become, and create what they want to create in the world.  

I'm really excited how the organizational side of things are starting to catch up with that. Years ago, I remember seeing an interview with Gary V. (You’ve probably heard of Gray V.), and he said, “Emotional Intelligence is the number one skill we all need to be successful in life.  

So, if Gary V says it then it definitely must be true. (Insert cheeky wink and grin) 

The next thing I want to know is what can emotional intelligence help people to achieve through being coached and trained in that area? 

Although I know my answer to this, and the practitioners watching also have their answer to this, I want to hear your opinion on this.  

Lindsey: Everybody is unique. But if we were to generalize, I would say that emotional intelligence training and coaching helps people create a perspective. Rather than having a black and white way of thinking and feeling — right and wrong, good and bad—  we're going to come from a perspective which is we're going to create from many wisdoms to be with whatever difference it is. 

So, for me, Emotional Intelligence is important because it helps us in creating a perspective. Without it, all we have is knowledge. We are talking about the feeling, and we are talking how do you want to create it in your uniqueness. So, EI is from one source and that is humanity and that's all of us— all the same, no difference. We can only create something powerful in this world if we come from this perspective because we can create anything from this. And it comes from the pure source of love which is humanity. We are love. So, for me, it's the absolute essence of it.  

Grant: Wow. I love that. You’re really passionate for what you do. I already know that but I’m sure our listeners can also definitely see that passion. I love the word that you used in there which is “create.” 

One of the biggest challenges that I take on as a leader of this field is to be able to bring Emotional Intelligence up to where neuroscience currently is. There are a lot of misunderstandings around what Emotional Intelligence is, let alone how emotions are formed etc. 

If you want to learn more about emotions, I recommend that you read “The Theory of Constructed Emotions” by Lisa Feldman Barrett. In the book she mentions that we are not born with a triune brain that’s got five hard-wired emotions and everyone experiences fear the same way. And that is the essence of what you have said, “we are all unique” and we actually ‘construct’ our emotions.  

So, I think that's very powerful for people to understand that although Emotional Intelligence is a set of competencies and strategies, it's unique to everybody.  

In our profession, there are so many people who say things with what I call: the arrogance of absolution rather than the confidence of a coach. And it’s on us, practitioners to keep up with what science is finding out.  

That’s why I love how Dr. Barrett named her book, “How Emotions Are Made” and she unpacks the “theory” of constructed emotions” because that's with our current understanding, so we're not able to say “absolutely”. Then we've got these whole debate on what’s more important, IQ or EQ? Well both are equally important as we need IQ — the cognitive ability — to practice the strategies of EI.  Then there is the notion that emotions and feelings are the same thing. Well, they are not. But it doesn’t matter in terms of who we’re working with. And I’ve learned that we sometimes complicate things trying to sound like we know more than we actually do.  

So, I think that it’s really important.  

Lindsey: Yes. And just like what you have just said Grant, the power of Emotional Intelligence lies in the fact of not knowing. Because when we think we know everything, we limit ourselves.  

So, what I’m saying here is, yes, having all these information around neuroscience and all that stuff is great, but we can create a space that is for EI where you’re not going to know and you’re going to love not knowing. Doing so gives you the opportunity to create because we cannot create in the knowing.   

So, when I am asked which one comes first I definitely will put EI first. Because if I'm in the not knowing, then what comes up from that It's just going to add to the knowing. So, for me, it's that way around.  

Grant: Yes. I love that. I have a favourite competency. I know you and I use a slightly different model, but that doesn't really matter. So, of all the competencies you deal with, what is your favourite competency to work with for yourself and for others?

Lindsey: So, mine was independence and assertiveness on really showing up in too high and not knowing just how to the detriment of me that was. 

Just turning that down and making space for the social side. Like for instance if I’m always going at it alone and I'm always up there, I'm thinking that I always know or I always need  to will make me feel a lonely disconnect.  

 So, for me, I love working with empathy with others. So, I find empathy massively high with people because most of us have been brought up to put other people first because if you don’t you will be branded as selfish. So, an empathy that is too high can somehow affects one’s self-esteem and self-worth. So what we want is to bring more balance and understanding of when we’re going to turn our empathy up or down to make sure that we're in service— not only to others, but to ourselves. Doings so helps us increase our self-worth that we created for ourselves and are not dependent on anybody else. 

So, for me, massively, the interpersonal side of things and increasing our self-love coming from authenticity that’s come from a creation of understanding all day long.   

Grant: I love that. For me it is personal power (which is what you’re talking about comes from that.)  Indeed, until we have that inner certainty, that personal power, self-worth, or that confidence we will not be able to practice things like empathy which is seen as a good thing when used in the right and healthy way. Because it is all about having a balance of taking care of others and taking care of oneself.  

 I love to use motherhood to illustrate this. 

Mums are fantastic. My mum for me, was the greatest mum on the planet when she was alive. And I believe most people think the same way about their mum’s as well as everyone has one.  

So why are they fantastic? Well, let’s say there are four people at the dinner and mum’s one of them. However, there are only three lamb chops. And guess who would choose to give up their share? Well, it’s often the mum. Because most mums are nurturing, and they feel that it’s their job to take care of the family. But here’s the thing, although it was done out of love and with great intention, it’s actually not very smart; it’s counter intuitive. Because if mum does not eat, she will fall off the perch and nobody eats. 

I like how you pointed the importance of starting with self-care. Self-care is not selfish, but it is something that helps you walk in the destiny you have of helping the people you are entrusted to help.  

So, I think it's really important that as coaches we understand that it's okay to put self-care first. One of the things that I do in our certification program is I encourage people to go through that for themselves. When you go through that, you are giving yourself the gift of increasing your own Social and Emotional Intelligence so that you can help others without it burning you out and without it becoming a negative thing. 

Lindsey: And also Grant, it otherwise becomes a strategy to gain which never feels authentic and can never be transformational. We want to come from service coaches. So, we can only be in true service to someone through non-agenda. If we go gooey eyed just to get, it’s never going to work because it is not true — it’s not pure EI. EI is you being your authentic and unique self. You are the mirror of possibility for another person. So as coaches we are teachers of being. And as far as I’m concerned, it must go in that order.  

Grant: Yes. I know what you mean by this. I’m going to reiterate this in case others don’t get it: 

It’s okay to have a six to seven figure (whatever people use) EI practice. For me, it’s a byproduct because (as you have said earlier) we serve. One of my biggest challenge as well is seeing coaches who only serve. Since, their personal power is low, they’re not able to accept and see their worth. Therefore, their pricing low and they are limited. So, it’s that balance.  

I love it. 

I really enjoy talking to you. However, since we are running out of time, I will ask you one final question: 

Where of yourself as an EI practitioner 12 months from now? 

Lindsey: Honestly, I like to think that everything is achievable. I could not have envisaged where I am now 12 months ago and then 12 months before that. So, I certainly set the vision of serving more people. For me, it’s more about serving a lot of people as often as I can and then having unique people who want to really upscale in doing them.  

So, I see myself serving more people through the internet, through talks, networks, business es and by bringing it into the corporate setting. I love traveling so I also see myself traveling the world more to do this in-person trainings.  

 Grant: Fantastic. I love that. And I’m a little bit stir crazy now because our border has a slight opening. But since bringing EI into my practice 13 years ago, I have been blessed to have physically travelled 22 countries (more than once in many of those) doing EI trainings. Now that we do it more online, we can cover even more people. Like for instance, this interview is going out to more people than if you and I were doing a circuit going around talking to people around the world.  

 For me, 12 months from now, I see that this community is going to be filled with at least a thousand Emotional Intelligence practitioners at various levels who are making a huge impact. So, my goal now is to develop people to do what I do because the need and the understanding of the need for emotional intelligence and social intelligence skills is growing. Therefore, we need to grow the practitioners so that they can go and fill the need. 

Lindsey: That’s lovely. 

Grant: Lindsey, I really enjoyed our conversation. Those who are watching us live here and those who are watching us in the replay are going to get so much out this. To those who are watching, you can give Lindsey heaps of love by commenting your thoughts and words of appreciation in the comment section. Despite being busy with work and tending to her kids, and even if it’s night in her place, she still graced us with her presence.  

So, thank you so much Lindsey and I look forward to having more conversations with you again.  

Lindsey: You're welcome. Thank you.  

Grant:  Well, everyone how amazing was that?  

Again, make sure you give Lindsay heaps of love and we're going to continue to speak to coaches all around the world then interview them in a similar way.  If you're watching this somewhere and you have not yet joined the Emotional Intelligence Coach Community Facebook group, you can search it and join us.  

If you want to know if Emotional Intelligence Training and Coaching is for you, then please get engaged and asked questions. I want to see more highly successful emotional intelligence practitioners around the world so that we can together do what it is that we need to do.  

So, I love you all heaps and I look forward to seeing you more in the group this week and I'll see you next week with another interview. Bye for now.